WHAT?????

Ever have one of those nights when you get yourself started on a little project that took too long and then when you finally finished it... you're so tired you can't quite unplug?  So then what happens?  Why we start hitting buttons on our favorites bar, what else is there to do.  And then... the unthinkable.  You discover you haven't blogged in well over a year.  How does that happen????  Well, I could explain it but that's for another blog.

So, here I am a year and a half later.  Things can't change that much in a year and a half right? Wrong.  Dead wrong.  Oh my gosh how wrong that statement is.

Mewzer died :-(  actually before my last post.  I'm still a bit broke up about that.  Then Barbara's horse Ally died.  Yeah, great year right?  I didn't make it to my 30th high school reunion but I did get my Service Dog.  That's another subject to cover too.  Got the fence up at the Armadillo house for the horses after Barbara's new horse was not fitting in well, we have chickens, my back has been a mess.  Oh, don't let me get started on that one.  But... as the proverbial saying goes... that's not all.

I met a man.  Yep, a real for true live one.  A real keeper, so I'm keeping him.  That means a move.  That's another fun story... for another time.

Barbara Ann is struggling with it although not nearly as much as she was.  It hadn't occurred to me she hadn't really known me in a relationship.  She was only five when her Dad and I split up.  I hadn't dated anyone, didn't say a whole lot about the topic, so for her it was a pretty big upset.

The horses like it, and the donkey too.  Yeah, the donkey is another story.

It's actually an upset for all of us.  Mark is a brilliant man, great sense of humor.  Oh man... that's another story and a really good one.  Looks like all I need to do is review this blog and I'll have material for months.  Anyway, Mark's sense of humor fits the Berlin sense of humor in a way I didn't think was possible.  Yeah, it sure is nice.

Mark is also a man of great Faith.  He's a bit conservative and Evangelical in his belief so we don't always see eye to eye however on only a few things.  The important part though is we truly are equally yoked and boy is that an experience that if you've never experienced it... wow!  Yeah, another story in that one too.

Mark is a truly brilliant man.  As a disabled Veteran, before his injuries made him truly disabled he was a high school agriculture teacher.  He's also a lover of history and odd facts.  Yep, another matching point that's lots of fun and you guessed it... another story.  ;-)

Oh, and his national heritage... now this has been a learning experience that BA and I are both really enjoying.  Mark is half Blackfoot and yes, that is another story.

Unfortunately, Mark like myself hasn't always had the benefit of a loving, supportive relationship.  Even worse, while we can all complain about our parents, Mark's were a whole other level of dysfunctional.  He did have Grandmothers that saw the abuse and doted on him the best they could, but his parents.... some people shouldn't have kids.  Well, I'm glad they did because now I have Mark... oh now that's a paradox and a whole other topic.

So, both Mark and I struggle with some things.  He's been alone a whole lot longer than I have so we both have those fun "set in your ways" rabbit trails.  As a matter of fact, I did warn Mark that when I got a creative writing urge or any lift of writer's block for that matter I will become glued to the computer.  That's one of my less fun quirks I'm sure.  To be fair though, I warned him.  The look on his face was pretty priceless when I poked his head in to make sure I knew what time it is.  Of course I know what time it is ( I'm inwardly rolling my eyes as I type) but that doesn't mean a thing.  I'm writing!  Can't let those blog bunnies get away where I can't find them much less catch them again now can I?  :-P

Well, I really need to hit the hay.  But I gotta admit, there's no material lacking here!  LOL!!!  And, I'll go ahead and upload a picture of Mark and I with the beautiful lady that brought us together.  Ya'll have a blessed day and remember... there's nothing quite like being that woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning the devil says "Oh shit!  She's up again!!!"

Enter Sebastian... the Service Cat

They say knowledge is power, though I’m not sure that obtaining it after midnight is the best time… or maybe it is. 

I suspect I may have Fibromyalgia.  It’s been in the back of my mind for a while and then last visit my PCP (Primary Care Provider) mentioned it as a possible explanation for my constant pain.  Since then I’ve read a little bit of this and a little bit of that.  Then, last night I decided to do some extra research.  I know so many people with PTSD that have Fibromyalgia that I wondered if there was a link.  There is in case you are wondering.

In my research last night, I received a little more insight into the Fibromyalgia fatigue and how important sleep is, after midnight.  There was also the bit about how pain plays such a role in the lack of quality of sleep and how that pain and lack of quality sleep set you up for a bad morning.  That was both a wonderful insight and an ah ha moment.  It explained so much… yet I was still awake.

In the back of my mind I’m trying to think of how to get a SD (service dog) to do DPT (deep pressure therapy) as needed while I try to sleep and then sleep as I started following the proverbial rabbit trails to other things in my research.  That’s when the service cat went to work.  Yep, apparently I have a service cat and have had for some time.

Sebastian thought it was high time I went to sleep and started trying to knock my phone out of my hand, somehow with his tail would manage to make me lose my place and eventually was high up on my stomach, not quite my chest.  Pretty quick, all the anxiety that was fueling my insomnia went away and I got sleepy.  I put the phone down after dropping it in a dose a couple of times, got up to switch some laundry around and decided to take some pain medicine before sleep.  I promptly went to bed on my side to help reduce some of my back pain while I sleep….

Next thing I knew my alarm was going off, the radio part that is on a Christian station.  This part of the alarm was the soothing male voice from a Christian radio station doing some form of Bible study I believe.  I’m never very coherent when I hear him, but he’s usually talking about a Bible story, often relating it to life.  Anyway, I’m also on my back with my Service Cat on my chest.  Yep, Service Cat because my chest is an area of DPT that helps reduce anxiety.  I gently remove him and role to my side until the loud annoying alarm takes over from the soothing male voice stretching my only slightly stiff back this morning.

I think I may have found my ticket to a good morning because when I got up I was able to walk!  Really walk!!! The pain was minimal and I could walk upright!!!  Not only that, I woke up refreshed and ready to start the day!!!!!  It’s been so long since that happened and I’m so excited I had to share so here it is folks.  I think I’ve found my recipe for a good night’s sleep. Time will tell, and hopefully Sebastian will have like his nice soft cushy place to sleep well enough he’ll give me a repeat performance tonight… before midnight.  

Cats, dogs, and belt repair.

The fishline looking stuff that holds the blingy stuff on my belt has failed, well, partially.  Actually it’s only failed near where my phone case hooks onto the belt.  It’s been struggling for a while, and by saying a while… I think months, maybe since the beginning of the year would be accurate.  Yes, it started coming loose sometime around January or February.  I remember because I was so disappointed that it happened, and I realized that the only new thing was my phone case and well… you can see how that goes because I got my phone on a black Friday sale, and I know it was after Christmas when my belts blingy holding fishline looking stuff started to suffer. 

This of course means that I’ve spent months waiting for it to get bad enough that I have to fix it, take the blingy stuff off, or replace the belt.  I really like my belt.  It’s just the right size and has just the right amount of bling to make me happy.  Plus, I got it on clearance so I’m pretty sure that replacing it would be difficult.  I like the blingy stuff too much to cut it off, so… that leaves me only one rational choice.  Fix the belt.  (We won’t discuss the value of preventive maintenance here, that’s another discussion for another time.)

The repair really wasn’t too difficult, all I needed to do was get out a needle, pick some thread, and use as much of the fishline looking stuff that was left as I could before using cheap (dollar a spool cheap) cotton thread to fix it.  The resewing wasn’t much of a problem, there were already holes from when the manufacturer sewed it on, and so I didn’t even need a thimble.

I do however have cats.  I even have a really cute little kitten, we’ll call him Mewzer, because, well that’s his name.  There really isn’t much in this world that kittens like to play with more than something you are intently focused on, except maybe long dangly things… like a belt or string of any kind… including thread.  I don’t guess it takes a rocket scientist to figure out this formula.  My intense focus plus one belt plus some thread equals unequaled temptation for a certain little one eyed gray kitty.  It doesn’t end there though.

Yes, as much as I like to pretend I’m not predictable, you’ve probably already figured out that what should have been a simple sew it back together job became a sew, dodge, sew, sew, get it back from the kitty, sew, dodge, dodge, sew… you probably get the idea.  Yep, I had more Mewzer help than I knew quite what to do with.  Granted I’ve missed having time with my little Russian Blue (that’s what I was told he is) so I humored him for a bit, but then I got a little frustrated and said some magical words.

“Careful, or I’m going to have to call the scary dog.”  That’s all I said.  Joy heard all she needed to hear and took her little lion dog self over to give that evil glare of hers to poor little defenseless Mewzer.  Joy glared him all the way off of my lap and then jumped in it for good measure.  Even though she’s a Pekingese and they were bred as lapdogs, that’s never really been Joy’s favorite thing, but she did it long enough for me to finish up.  As soon as I was done, she jumped down and within seconds my lap was reoccupied by a little gray one eyed kitten.  I had put my computer in my lap, and for that, he wasn’t having enough fun for Joy to think it necessary to intervene.

Am I becoming Socially Impaired? I hope not.

Sometimes I worry about myself.  I think of great things to do, make plans to go out and meet new people, just get out of the house… and then I don’t.  I have to convince myself to do everything I do.  Sometimes it’s hard to go to the grocery store, and it’s been more than once that I have managed to patch together a meal to avoid going.  It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just that when it is time to do it I just… I don’t know how to describe it… but I just can’t.  It can be hard enough at times to do with people I know and love, but to go out and face people I don’t know, well I’m good at excuses.

I know once I go that I’ll have fun and be glad I did, but that is not always enough.  It’s not that I’m anti-social… I think.  I don’t dislike people as a rule.  I can get along with almost anybody, even if I really don’t like them.  I can even have fun around people I don’t like.  I’m not sure what it is that makes me into such a homebody; at times it just frustrates me to no end.

Tonight was one of those nights that I almost backed out of.  I was working up excuses not to go, but I couldn’t disappoint a friend, especially when my truck was parked right in front of her house while I was at work.  She was having a “Belmont Party”.  She put together some hors d'oeuvres for the event and had invited everyone at work.  I realized I had to go or I’d hurt her feelings.  I didn’t think anyone else was going.

Well, I was right, almost.  No one at work was planning to go.  Later she did finally get one person.  It turns out she had more people coming.  Had I known, I’d have had excuse enough to convince myself not to go.  I’m so glad I didn’t. 

The race was a great disappointment.  Once again, we’ve failed to get a Triple Crown winner.  We were all crushed as California Chrome not only didn’t win, but wasn’t even a real contender at fifth place.  You could see he just didn’t have it today in the backstretch if you were looking close enough.  There are a lot of speculations, but once again, we weren’t meant to have a Triple Crown winner.  That was okay though, because it was a great time.

The wine flowed freely.  I was so glad that I only had 100 yards on a dirt road to get to my half mile driveway.  We drank, ate, and were merry.  We discussed many things, I had that fuzzy drunk head going on, and I was far from the most inebriated person there.  It was a wonderful time with some wonderful ladies and I am so glad I made myself go.  I can’t help but wonder what the next great adventure I’m going to convince myself to go on will be.  Maybe next I’ll make it somewhere that I can meet people I don’t work with.

Almost Done

Team Army (my co-pilot is also an Army Veteran ) and Ben waiting for our turn to go

The good news is, five of the tests are done and there is only one left.  The bad news is, I don’t get to drive anymore while I’m here.  I’m kind of sad; it’s been fun driving these horses.  Okay, it’s just fun getting to drive so much in general.  I really enjoy driving, a lot.  Annie is still my favorite horse, but Ben is a close second.  He’s a ploddy Haflinger that has to be convinced he can or wants to move.  Poor fellow, by the time I drove him today through the dressage test and cones course, the same ones we drove yesterday, was clearly done with the whole program.  He went through them three times yesterday, and I was the second person to drive him today.  He had two more people after me.  Despite being sick of the patterns, Ben plodded on.

Been waiting for his turn to go back to the barn

                                         

            I was much happier with today’s dressage test than I was yesterdays, although I’m quite certain I won’t be getting any great scores on impulsion.  During the cones course, going through the last pair I managed to knock a number over, but the ball stayed on the cone.  Otherwise, I was very happy with my cones course as well, and since I knew where I made my error, I’m okay with it.

            I felt great after teaching my able-bodied driver.  After the general comments to everyone though, I wasn’t feeling so good about it after all.  My teaching was good, but I missed a very important technical part of the movement I was teaching.  The worst part?  When I was contemplating this lesson plan before I got here, I had intended to be sure to put that technicality in.  I completely forgot about it when I got here.  Major brain fart, I get those sometimes.

            All in all, the certification is going well, as far as I can tell anyway.  I am tired, and although I’ve enjoyed the people, the atmosphere, the opportunity to learn so much, and getting to drive different horses, I like Ben am pretty much done.  I’ll be glad when it is all over with tomorrow and I can stick a fork in it.  I miss my baby girl, my ponies, my doggies and kitties, the bird… if I wasn’t so tired about now I’d be just plain homesick.

            So, if all goes well, tomorrow I’ll be writing some great news and I’ll officially be a PATH Intl. certified driving instructor.  Please keep the prayers going, and for those of you who have been praying for us to get some rain… it worked too so let’s keep those going as well.

Now comes the hard part

            First test down and five to go!!!  WoooHooo!!!!  I passed it too!!!  It’s been a lot of fun and I’ve met some really neat people.  Well, it’s a given that I’d meet some neat people at anything with PATH Intl., the organization is full of great people.  Today like every other day this week has been a really busy day.

            We did our practice dressage test which as far as I was concerned mine stunk.  I went off course, and then I stared at a cone I was trying to avoid which caused me to run it over.  We had to negotiate around the cones course when we did the dressage test.  Apparently I didn’t do too badly, my lowest score was a 6, and I got two 8’s.  One of my 8’s came from the horse’s submission, the comment was “you have this horse”.  Made me feel pretty good, but I didn’t see that until several hours after the test.

The cones course/dressage arena

            The cones course now, I felt really good about.  I owned that course!!!  It was so much fun!!!  I can hardly wait until I can get a chance to do more.  I’m thinking about getting to work on Jade and training her so that we can compete in the large pony division of CDE shows.  That’s Combined Driving Events for those of you who haven’t been immersed in the language for the last, um, oh my gosh only three days.  There has been a lot of information going around over the last few days.  It’s hard to believe it’s only been a few days.

            I have a favorite horse, her name is Annie.     Well, technically she is a large pony.  She’s super sweet, has an incredible work ethic, and is fun and easy to drive.  Annie is also a senior citizen being somewhere in her late 20’s.  Don’t tell her though because I don’t think she knows it.  Shes full of personality, and gave us all a big kick when she was sticking her head out of the barn window.

Annie didn't want to be left out.

Check out all those harnesses!

            This place is incredible!  The barn appears to be four stories tall.  The bottom floor has stalls in it, the second floor has all of the vehicles in it and is strong enough to bring the horses in to groom and tack up as well as store hay and have the offices in it.  It’s a beautiful place, and this is the area to find these really neat barns.   As beautiful as this place is, and as much fun as I’m having learning so many neat new things, I can’t help but get excited about getting home and applying everything I’ve learned to our program.  Just a couple of more days, and if I keep it together (i.e. don’t get too cocky) I’ll be coming home a certified driving instructor.

Check out the harnesses we used!

They have a goat!

It’s almost time…

July 2013 lesson at Good Hands Training Center in Navasota, TX I was driving Chance

It’s done; I just finished up my lesson plan for an able-bodied driver.  Thanks to one of my peers reminding me, I have it completed in time. I had forgotten it needed to be done before the certification started.  That little reminder came right after I completed walking the cones course, the second time.  My new friend who is a seasoned competitor was kind enough to walk the cones course with me after I had walked it by myself.  I’m starting to feel pretty good about this… I hadn’t been far off when I had walked the course by myself.

            My confidence has really picked up on this whole process; it grew quite a bit after our orientation/start last night.  I guess part of my self-doubt was dealing with the unknown.  By mid-morning this morning I knew I needed to go ahead and go for level II, that was after I had the opportunity to drive out here.  There was a very positive reception to my change, and it had already been encouraged last night.  As we go through the workshop, I realize that my concerns were nothing but that of my overactive imagination.

            Does that mean I’m guaranteed to pass?  Not by a long shot.  During my riding certification, two very competent people failed over silly oversights.  I’m not out of the woods yet and I’ve learned now is not the time to get cocky.  That won’t do anything but get me into trouble.  Do I have the skills I need?  Yes, I am now confident that I have the skills necessary to accomplish this goal, but I am by no means the most qualified here.  My greatest strength is my teaching skills and knowledge and understanding of disabilities.  That great strength can also be my undoing if I am not careful.  My greatest weakness is my lack of competitive experience in combined driving.  If I can remember that being a PATH Intl. Driving instructor isn’t about coaching future Olympians, it will take some of the pressure off.  I should do something about that weakness though… it would be fun beneficial to my career.  Yeah that’s it, beneficial to my career.

            All in all, I guess my main point tonight is that now I know that I can do this.  I’ve got a confidence now that I didn’t have before.  In reality, I am better prepared for this certification then I was for my riding certification, yet when I went for my riding certification I was convinced ahead of time there was no way I would fail.  This time, I went in knowing how much preparation it takes for a certification, and had managed to intimidate myself.  You know, Kathy had warned me last time that I may have needed more preparation… she grilled me and drilled me an now looking back she was right to have done so.   For this certification she was insisting I am ready and that maybe I should go for my level II.  I’ve learned that Kathy knows what she’s talking about… so, this is beyond doable, as long as I keep my head, breathe, and remember to keep the mandatories in mind.  Please pray for me, I’m not out of the woods yet, although I have found my path.