Of manipulation and negotiation

I work with kids three nights a week that are considered to be at risk.  I recently had a young lady ask “at risk of what?”  If anybody has a good answer for that one, I would love to hear it.  How do you tell a kid they are at risk of being an unproductive member of society?  Being the research junkie that I am, I see a headline or get an e-mail from one of many parenting e-rags that I get or any number of other shiny stories that attract my attention and I go tracking it down.  One article leads to another and by the time I’m done it’s at least an hour later.  I always learn something great from these articles and it has yet to be what an idiot the writer is. J

 I see these great article headlines that make me think about a topic from work or an idea to help the kids out.  Sometimes I see something that makes me think of my own girls.  Both girls have their own personal issues, Georgia had to grow up entirely too fast and it is a constant struggle to keep her from taking the weight of the world onto her shoulders.  Barbara Ann is convinced she doesn’t want to grow up, and is already a skilled negotiator and manipulator.

I read a couple of articles thinking I’m going to use the information to help some kid I work with and end up looking straight at myself and the girls.  Having just read one of these great mind blowing articles, I decided last night that it was time to incorporate one with my infamous countdown from five in an attempt to get Barbara Ann motivated.  The poor child was devastated.  Not only did I reach one before she could complete that “one more thing” she also had a consequence.  No desert.  The poor child was horrified.

I am very proud of Georgia at this point.  Georgia has gotten in trouble for deciding Barbara Ann should sleep in my bed or come see me etc. during one of these wailings fits.  So Georgia stayed silent, bless her heart for the nearly hour of wailing from the tortured soul.  I started to feel bad for Georgia and told Barbara Ann “that’s enough” but it didn’t help anything.  I started getting ready for bed, no change, and I was beginning to wonder if anyone was ‘going to sleep tonight.’  Then lights started going out, I did my nightly search for my cell phone, found it turned off the lights again, but it wasn’t until I heard the cat formerly referred to as a Tom Cat outside crying by my window to come in that anything changed.  When I went to the door to call him in, Barbara Ann was suddenly quiet.  The cat finally comes in and once the door is closed and locked the crying begins again, but not the sobbing wail of a few minutes before, but the whimpering cries of surrender.  The ever quieter cries slowed and diminished as little Barbara Ann finally realized that she couldn’t manipulate herself out of this one.  The house got quiet, I sat in my bed contemplating the silence, praying deep inside that I did the right thing and Barbara Ann will be a better adult for it.  Everything I’ve read has said she will, but that doesn’t make the thought that I ‘broke’ her go away. 

In the end, I know I did the right thing.  It is time for Barbara Ann to accept the consequences for her actions.  I know as soon as she goes to see her dad she won’t have to, but at least at home Barbara Ann will know exactly what can happen at the end of the countdown.