“Why are you here?” my professor
asked when I explained to him why my phone was on and I might up and leave the
classroom unexpectedly. I already knew
that question was coming, so I was prepared.
“If I let this crisis define me, I am lost.” It all made more sense to him when I
mentioned Barbara’s Dad being there with her as well. Actually, to him, and most of the class
for that matter, that tidbit was a better explanation of why I was in class and not with Barbara Ann. Sometimes, you just have to accept the fact
that folks don’t get it, and this was one of those times.
Unfortunately, this isn’t my first
crisis with a child. I’ve learned the
importance of not letting a crisis take control of you, if not, I wouldn’t have left this
hospital even if the ex refused to leave.
It’s that simple. I would have at
one point in my life probably slept on the floor if necessary so as not to leave. I've learned since then however that you just can’t let the crisis rule your life;
you have to keep life moving.
Barbara Ann
is up and walking on her own now. She
goes to the bathroom with only the help of a step stool for getting out of the
bed, and she knows to wait until an adult unplugs her IV contraption, but she
could do that herself if she needed to.
She had her first solid food tonight, a hamburger and tatortots. Barbara Ann is getting better every minute of
the day; her little body is healing and recovering. What more could I want for her? Okay, short of never having become ill, yes
that would have been far preferable, but that should be a given.
So, why was I there today? For me, because I needed that diversion, that
sense of normalcy, a reminder that no matter what happens in hospitals day in
and day out that life goes on. If James
hadn’t stayed the night with her, I wouldn’t have been gone for long, but I
would still have been gone. Barbara Ann
too needs to know that the world doesn’t stop for each individual crisis.
Class was great, I’m glad I
recorded it because I missed about half of it.
I’m tired, frustrated, and bone weary.
I’m sore, my diet has been lousy, and I haven’t been able to be consistent
with my own health needs, but life still goes on. I’m now twelve hours closer to the deadline
for my Sr. Thesis than I was when I visited with my thesis advisor, because
life goes on. In time, I’m sure I will
leave crisis mode and these past few days and the week ahead will hit me, but
until then, life goes on, and will continue to do so, even during and after my
inevitable breakdown. That’s the way it
is, because as we all know…
Life goes on.
Another time when life had to go on.
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