Just not too sure how I feel about this

The girls had this incredible opportunity, a chance to go to a lecture given by a New York talent scout.  So, I took them.  That’s what you do isn’t it?  When your kids enjoy performing arts, you bring them to the agent to learn something.  It hadn’t even occurred to me how stupid and insane this was until it was all over with.  Why on earth would I bring my kids to one of these talent scouts to be looked over like a yearling at a Thoroughbred sale?  I didn’t think, as usual, I just did it.

I certainly did not expect this to be a life changing event or anything other than something to do with the girls that they might like.  The guy was good.  There wasn’t a single thing he told the kids that couldn’t be applied to life in general.  By the time he was done with the lecture, I was hoping one of the girls would be chosen so that I’d have a chance to get all smooshy and pick his brain.  That opportunity of course did not happen, but here is what did happen, an incredible dialog with my first baby girl.  I should have recorded it so I could give you a blow by blow account of the conversation; instead I’ll just have to give you the Reader’s Digest condensed version.

I found out why my incredibly creative and talented daughter decided to go into medicine, something I thought was a complete waste, and yes, I’m the parent that tells their kid ‘what do you mean you want to go into medicine?  Wouldn’t you rather get a degree in … (usually some form of artsy liberal arts concentration)?’  Talk about getting excited!  My first baby girl wants to pursue theatre again!  How great is that?  I am so excited I can burst!  This is some of the best news I’ve heard in years, and I’ve heard a lot of good news lately.

So, you are now probably wondering, (I know I would be) why I have such mixed feelings about this.  It is the why she dropped interest in her passion.  I wasn’t aware that people were telling her she was no good.  I’m not as upset with those naysayers as I am with myself.  How can I call myself even a mediocre parent if I was completely unaware this was happening?  As this great youth talent scout was speaking, I was feeling guilty and inattentive as a parent as thoughts about my second baby girl were going through my mind.  The guy had five never fail rules to being successful in the performing arts industry.  The first one was “Practice being aware of your feelings- especially how you feel about yourself” (Sklar).  This one piece of advice is invaluable in any part of life, and last night I began to question how well I have facilitated this application in my children’s lives.

Yes, I’m torn after this talk last night; I’m feeling like a terrible parent.  I’m also feeling incredibly enlightened and blessed for this opportunity to recognize and then stare my faults in the face, so that I can regroup, reassess, and make some changes.  Thanks Pdawg.