My Favorite Child

The other day, my boss told me a story about a Mother she truly admired.  This Mother was a public figure at the time.  A reporter or commentator had asked the lady if she had a favorite child.  She replied “Absolutely!”  The stunned reporter quickly found out that the lady’s favorite child was the one that needed her most at that particular moment.  I had expected something along the lines of “The child I’m with at the moment”, but I was also very impressed by this answer.  I liked it and left it until this morning.

I started thinking about this whole favorite child thing as I was coming back from bringing Barbara Ann to school.  I still couldn’t wrap my head around the whole favorite child thing though, not for me personally.  I just can’t call either of my children a favorite.  The one that needs me the most will get the most support and attention, then later I’ll be tremendously proud of the one that stood by my side and helped me support the one in need, but I just couldn’t think of a time when either of my girls was a favorite.

I mulled the idea of “The child I’m with at the moment” but that didn’t work for me either.  Then I started considering maybe it depends on the activity.  Surely that would cause a favorite, but even that couldn’t start the tinder.  I was struggling because as I thought about this, it just couldn’t be, how can you not have a favorite?  I brooded a little while longer as I tried to master this concept in my mind.  Then I started considering the dynamics of our little family.

The girls are 9 years apart.  Right now, Georgia at 18 is twice as old as Barbara Ann.  They are as different as two siblings can be, behavior and attitude wise.  Georgia is very reserved, keeps her feelings to herself, and shows very little emotion holding in as much as she possibly can.  Barbara Ann wears her feelings on her sleeve, right out in the open.  There is seldom any doubt what so ever how Barbara feels. 

I started considering how I love them each for their unique and individual differences.  Does their age difference make it easier for me to not have a favorite?  Then I started to consider how they each share an equal space together in my heart.  As I visualized this one, my mind’s eye was looking at them in this still beating heart, a real heart, not the cutesy valentine’s one, and they were in distinctly different regions of my heart, each with a matching hold on it.  My mind then started to drift again.

I don’t have much for my personal goals for the girls.  All I want to see is them growing up to be independent adults that don’t need me.  Georgia is already there working two jobs, own car, own place.  Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not meaning that they don’t need me at all.  Parents are never truly unneeded, no matter how much we’d like to say they aren’t.  We’ll always seek their approval and support, that’s not what I mean.  What I mean is that they can face a crisis, possibly even alone if necessary and still work through it.  Even when we can do that, parental support and caring makes life so much easier.

So, no matter how hard I try, I can’t choose a favorite child.  The one I’m with gets my immediate and sometimes undivided attention, the one that needs me most gets the most attention, but I couldn’t call either of them my favorite without feeling like a fraud.  Maybe it’s the psychology major in me, I don’t know.  But after all of this soul searching, I now know that when someone asks me if I have a favorite child, I can honestly say without fear of a lightning bolt striking me down that “No, I do not have a favorite child, I love them both equally with all of their special little place in my heart.”