The Hunt

The time has come to find Barbara Ann a counselor.  This comes as no great surprise to me, let’s consider her environment.  Barbara is the product of a broken home; therefore, she lives in two households.  Both households share a major change.  The oldest sister has graduated from high school and moved out, one to college in a faraway town, the other to a nearby town where she works a career developing full time job and a socially developing part time job.  Both older sisters have a ‘Mommy’ complex, which accounts to the matriarch sibling has left.

Here at home, we have recently moved.  Although a good move, it is still a move.  There is a new school, new environment, new friends, and a completely new way of life.  Now that I’ve graduated from college, my evenings after my one (yep that’s right, only one J) job tend to involve Barbara Ann.  There’s no more ‘go watch something, I have to finish my homework’ anymore.  While that is an excellent outcome for any child, she is also now an only child and is expected to take responsibility for her actions, her room, etc.  This is a very positive change, but any change is stress producing.

We are isolated, there are no friends across the street to look out and see if they are home.  There are no annoying neighbor girls that we love to be able to not play with.  There are no kids around at all, just us.  And then, there are the changes at “Dad’s” house.  Now the youngest of three instead of four, the new oldest sibling is severely mentally ill, developmentally delayed, and has a similar working age to Barbara Ann.  The next youngest is the displaced youngest child that has, it appears, really stepped up to the challenge.

We won’t bother going into the ADHD, that is just an add on for now.

So, I figured I’d pick up the phone and call our old family counselor.  She retired.  What about her partner?  She doesn’t see children any more.  So, that leads me to the hunt.  There is the cost of counseling to consider, but Barbara Ann has insurance, so that should be okay.  Notice the important “should” there.  As I get comfortable searching through Psychology Today’s website for  a provider (that search tool recommended by the partner that doesn’t see children any more), I got very comfortable as I saw BA’s insurance on everybody’s list.  I read this bio that could have been written by a combination of me, a working partner (that is an LPC-s), my favorite Psychology professor, and our retired family counselor.  Her approach sounds perfect.  I go to check her insurance, just to be sure, and, whala, she doesn’t take BA’s.  Uuuuugggghhhhh!!!!

The hunt goes on.  I consider bi-weekly visits for affordability and hope the counselor is game.  I start thinking, ‘her dad should help pay for this.’ as if that might actually happen.  A really funny thought just hit me, ‘isn’t Obamacare supposed to take care of just this sort of problem?’ and now I’m trying my best not to crush my computer as I roll on the floor laughing.  Yeah right!

So, I am patiently waiting return messages from a couple of prospects, and I’m prepared to search on.  I’m lucky on this hunt today though.  I spent eight years learning the ropes of a parent in need of mental health care for kids, then I spent three years studying psychology on a university level, have been in counseling myself for over ten years, work with kids with disabilities with my main focus being mental health, so I’m ahead of the curve.  I’m getting ahead of the problems, I am able to see the possibilities and know my own strengths and weaknesses.  I recognize what I can do, and when I need to step aside to let someone else take care of things.  I’m lucky on this hunt because I am seeking help now, when it’ll help, not later when bad patterns that must be changed are engrained.  Thank you Lord for teaching me to change the things I can change, leave the things alone that I cannot change, and giving me the wisdom to tell the difference.